Thursday 26 February 2009

Adriana Lima Is Married

Obviously, no one else in the world was trying hard enough up until Valentine’s Day to steal the engaged Adriana Lima from the grasps of her boy toy. Why may you ask? Because she’s officially announced she’s been married.

“We are so excited about our future together,” sas Lima. “And we are really looking forward to a big romantic wedding this summer with all of our friends and family.”

The pair, who want their next wedding celebration in Brazil or Jaric’s native Serbia, met in 206 and were engaged last June on Lima’s 27th birthday.

And once again, another one bites the dust. We shouldn’t worry too much though, there are bound to be a ton of other Victoria Secret Angels we can all chase after.


Adriana Lima Oon Cover of DT Magazine

Does your week already need an extra helping of hot super models? Well look no further than the pages that bind DT magazine. Nothing like the slender figures of women such as Adriana Lima, Alessandra Ambrosio, Caroline Trentini, Cintia Dicker, Isabeli Fontana, Michelle Alves and Raica Oliveira to make a body feel good. Thanks to the photographer for making a cunch of excellent shots and the airbrusher for hiding any loose ribs.

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Victoria Secret Angels Gone Wild 2008

Yea, sory for getting your hopes up, but this “Gone Wild” issue of GQ does not feature the Victoria Secret Angels showering and rubbing themselves down or lezzing it up with each other. It doesn’t feature Marisa Miller saying “It’s my first tiiiiime!”, or Izabel Goulart flashing her breasts at the camera while completely wasted. This has to be false advertising.

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Adriana only Brings The Girls out

I guess all the guys are still pissed that Adriana Lima is now engaged because there was barely any of them at one of her autograph signings. I’m guessing it took place during the day when the men go to work and the women go to the mall and waste the mens’ money. You know, what else do women do during the day? Sew? Cook? Lesbian Pillow Parties? I’m going to go with all of the above.

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Adriana Lima Rubs It

Marco Jaric must have spent his whole paycheck buying Adriana Lima her ring because let’s face it, he’s not that good a basketball player. The reason? He’s a 6′5 white dude. Basically his whole career will be overshadowed by the fact that he landed the most desired woman on the planet. Good work Jaric.

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Adriana Lima Is Amused

Adriana Lima is on top of the world right now. She’s one of the sexiest women on the planet, she’s engaged to a mediocre NBA player, and it looks like she’s just heard the world’s funniest joke. It has to be the best joke ever because it’s turned her into a rabid chipmunk. Or a giggling asian woman. I can’t tell. Pick whichever one is less offensive and run with it.

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Adriana Lima Is Packing on Pounds

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Now before you start bitching that I am insane to even mention the words “fat” and “Adriana Lima” in the same sentence, take a few things into account. First, Adriana’s mom is a heffer so it’s in her blood. Second, Brazilian women either stay really hot forever or go downhill fast once they hit 30 (I base this on a study I did when I looked through a Brazilian Magazine for 15 minutes. It was a very thorough study). And Finally, I don’t care what you think so shut it. Adriana Lima does look like she’s put on a few. Nothing to go crazy about but I just like to point these things out. C’man, looking at her face you can kind of catch a hint of a double chin.

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Adriana Lima in 2005

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When there is nothing going on, what better way to waste an afternoon than looking at 3 year old pictures of Adriana Lima? I mean it was either this or news about Lindsay Lohan wearing a brown wig. Wigs are really hard to joke about, unless it’s a wig on a midget…but then again anything on a midget is hilarious.

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Victoria’s Secret Angels Are Amazing

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Victoria’s Secret has hands down the best marketing team on the planet. At some point, whoever was responsible for thinking up the “Victoria Secret Angels” is a god damn genius and the fact that they have some of the hottest girls on the planet as their angels was even smarter. Now the question of the century is… which Victoria Secret Angel is the sexiest?

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